Saturday, July 18, 2009

Business in need of translation

Ultimate simplicity: Belgian flag for Belgian beer.
Image from

Try this ten days for ten dollars
As seen on TV: Free trial is outmoded, now you can try whatever for a ridiculous price. I find interesting that the two firms using this trick recently never tell you the price of the stuff on TV. Translation: the stuff is so expensive that they wont tell you the real price until it is too late.
Lifetime free replacement of anything
If it is a small business: they plan to go bankrupt immediately after the sale
If it is a big one: the shipping and handling will cover their cost
Ten tools in one
Translation: none of them tools works properly
Do you know your sleep number?
Smartest way to sell an air mattress!
Save 400 dollars with our car insurance
This is hard to translate, because all major companies promise the same thing. It does not make mathematical sense. Unless of course they share the market secretly: you in this state, me in that one, or me the old, you the careful drivers. But of course, they would not do that because it is illegal. Any translation?
Ads with dogs
Do not buy it. The product is not good by itself or it is too expensive. I make an exception for Bush beans, because it is an ongoing story where the dog plays against its traditional role.
Ask your doctor if this medication is good for you
Translation: your risk of being killed by it instead of cured is important.Scratch important, replace by not negligible.
What doctors (or some dealer) do not want you to know
Translation: We intend to make money out of a patsy like you. Because if the stuff worked, the doctors or pharmacists or whatever would sell it themselves, wouldn't they?
As seen on TV: "Post shredded wheat does not believe in progress"
Translation; some stupid pub firm has made a study showing that (a) a lot of ecolo buy the product (b)ecologists are usually conservative.
How many people like me will never buy Post again because of their stupid ad is not factored in.
What it says about CNN or MSNBC, I am not sure. Money pimp?

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